Highly Sensitive Person

I am a highly sensitive person: everything is louder, brighter, hotter, colder, or more fragrant (or stinky - depending on the source of the odor) to me. I didn't choose this. It's just how my brain is wired. My family gets frustrated with me when we go out to eat because restaurants, malls, and grocery stores blast music all the time. It's obnoxious. And intolerable. I carry earplugs, and try to choose places that don't crank the tunes - music which is usually appealing to a demographic 20-40 years younger than the people I see shopping around me.


So I was thinking about this the other day. Since I can't stop being highly sensitive, I was wondering whether God would use this trait in me. If He doesn't change it, it must be because He wants me to be this way. And if He wants me to be this way, then I have to give it all to Him to use for His glory. I don't have any idea what that would look like: I'm not going to start sniffing luggage at the airport - hey, dogs have to work too!


If the way I am is so difficult for me, and it is, my only choices are to pray that God will change me or that He will use my sensitivity for His glory! I can't wait to see which He chooses!

The Holy Spirit

I recently read "The Forgotten God" by Francis Chan. I've been interested in the Holy Spirit for a long time, but the only book I've read was by Billy Graham. I've often thought of the Holy Spirit as an "it" or a "power source" but I haven't meditated on Him as fully God, as are the Father and the Son.

Chan's book really spotlighted the same problems I've had, not only with not fully understanding Him as part of the Trinity, but in honoring Him at work in my life and understanding what God has given me by allowing His Holy Spirit to indwell me.

I pray differently now, fervently praying that the Holy Spirit would manifest in me the fruit of the spirit - I need them all desperately. And I know who I would be without His working in me - a complete wretch! That's not false humility. That's truth.

I see some small improvements - in my patience, my kindness, my peace. I still struggle with loving people. I'm so critical, I see faults and flaws, and I judge people with my own wicked judgement instead of the judgement of God. But I will keep praying to manifest all the fruit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. And I will always give glory to God for any improvement because I couldn't do one thing without the power of the Holy Spirit inside me.

Meditation

Last week my pastor talked about goals for the New Year. I had been feeling pretty happy with myself for having set some smallish goals this year. I don't usually make resolutions, but my lack of discipline has really hindered me: in terms of improving my health (as much as I can in light of some things I can't control), my Christian growth, and my desire to immerse myself in the study of apologetics. Without discipline, those things, and others, have been nothing more than wishes.

What I learned Sunday really shocked me - I never even asked God what HE wants me to do! I pray all the time, but clearly I thought I didn't need to ask His opinion on this valuable question: what should I do with the time He's given me?

One of the categories Pastor Chico mentioned was meditation. I'm not hyper or super-active, but the idea of sitting and thinking, without any distractions, is foreign to me. Part of the problem is that thinking too much made me sad because I wasn't choosing what to think about.

I really want to pursue this - the idea of meditating on God, His attributes, His blessings, His creation - any and all things about God - is very exciting. And it requires discipline that I don't yet have, which can only help me in all areas of my life.

Church

I really like my church, Mission Hills Church in San Marcos, and my pastor, Chico Goff. I go late because the music during the first half hour is painfully loud. But I try to get in before the pastor starts to speak. I know it seems rude, but the iPod generation is in charge of the volume and I can't bear it.


Pastor Chico is great. He has the degrees, but he doesn't wear them on his sleeve. He talks like regular people talk, weaves stories into his sermons that let us know he's a regular guy whose made mistakes, and teaches me more about Jesus every week.

Resolution Progress

My resolution progress is fairly bleak. I haven't exercised or played the piano since last week. I have written only one entry in my journal. I have done some reading, finished one small book, and did one chapter in my apologetics study guide. I wasn't going to get stressed about it. It's only the 11th day of the year. There's always time to change. Until Jesus comes and takes me home, there's still time to be better than I am, and do better than I do.

New Year's Resolutions

I was going to create some New Year's "Goals," but that's a cop-out. So "Resolutions" it is! I made a list that fills a page. The list includes things like exercising regularly, reading more, studying apologetics, writing, and finding a piano teacher. These are all things I have been doing spottily for years. Now I want to make a disciplined, focused attempt to do more of them more often.

These are not difficult things I've listed. What I've lacked is the drive to accomplish. And I've decided that, even if I don't see a tremendous amount of progress, I will keep at it. At least that's what I resolve to do!

Take Courage in These Times

Now is the time to take courage. Do not be afraid of the economy or the poor excuse for a government. Remember that we are Americans. We have gone through tough times often in the past. We have overcome Hitler, Stalin, Muslim hatred, and economic trouble. We must remember that our nation and our culture are founded on Godly principles of faith, hope, and love.

Tighten your own belt, but continue to look after the welfare of those who can not take care of themselves. We are charged with taking care of widows, orphans, anyone who is lonely or afraid. We can do this. We must do this. And we will overcome. Because we are Americans.